Even if you haven't read the books this is a funny story at this website http://blacktower.net/aginor.htm
in the story D.O. means Dark One. which is the main evil guy in the series.

sbdy says : "I quit PSC"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender comments to the pirate, "Y'know, you have a steering
wheel in your pants..."

The pirate says to the bartender, "Yarr, 'tis drivin' me nuts!"

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what
we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's
wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

lol thats great

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as the ball flew straight toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Sure enough, the ball hit one of the men, who immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and rolled around, obviously in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and frantically began to apologise, explaining she was an experienced physiotherapist. “Please let me help; I’m fully trained and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me.”

“Aargh, n-n-nooo, I’ll, argh, I-I-I’ll be f-f-f-ine in a f-few minutes,” he replied, still curled up in a ball, his hands clasped together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and finally he agreed to let her help. She gently took his hands and laid them at his sides. Loosening his pants, she put her hands inside and began to massage him. After a few moments she asked, “How does that feel?”

To which he replied, “Feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”

Funny GIF :

mens keyboard.

I sent the following SMS text to my ex (and mother of my child) about 4 weeks after we'd split up.

Hey, I've just woken up and thought I'd let you know I've just had a wet-dream about you.........

...........in it you were hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing!

Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says:

"Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

A visiting minister at the start of the offertory prayer:
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point ...

A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and
they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his
mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But
the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and
falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?" The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw the three of them out of the window and make 5.6 Billion people very happy."

Teehee

Where's the beer button??

At a U2 concert in Ireland Bono asks the audience for some quiet. Then in

the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone..."Every

time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence...

"Fookin stop doing it then!"